October 29th

Hi. Here I am. It's the day after my birthday. I'm glad for that. I'm grateful to still be here. My birthday was good. I have amazing friends and amazing people in my life who went way above and beyond to help me celebrate my life. I had such a fun time at the Oregon Coast, and a fun ride home up Highway 101 seeing all the adorable coastal towns and sites. There was a rainbow on our way home that I thought was special. My friends threw Zach and me a combined birthday party that night. Zach turns 30(!) on November 1. We had delicious nachos, peanut butter cupcakes and root beer floats for Zach, and cheesecake and bubble gum ice cream for me! It was so delicious. The house was decorated so cute. My amazing family and friends put together a photo album for me, with a letter from each person along with the photos. It made me burst into tears. I was so touched. It means the world to me and I've looked at it a million times already. I felt so loved and so needed and wanted. I am so grateful for such good and kind people in my life.

It's not a secret it's been a really difficult year. I've hit some really low lows this year. Some really scary times. Times when I didn't know if there would be a tomorrow. I have tried new medications and new therapies in hopes that something will help. And it has. Some things have taken longer than others, some things have been almost immediate. I have had incredible support throughout it all which more than anything else I'd say has buoyed me up and helped me go on.

I've learned so much about life, and about myself, this past year. I've learned how resilient and powerful human beings are. I've watched some incredible people fight some really hard battles and I've watched their strength and endurance as they've come out on top. I've been strengthened and inspired by friends and strangers alike. I've learned what it is to be a true friend. I've said before I have the very best friends in the world. I've learned what it means to love and accept others unconditionally and without reservation and to fully give of yourself to another hurting soul. I have watched miracles happening and am amazed by the goodness that exists in the world.

I'm grateful I decided to keep trying. To keep working and pushing forward even when the whole world felt like it was conspiring to stop me. I kept going. I have proven to myself that I can do anything and overcome any obstacle placed in my way. The battle is not over. There are many more lonely and heartbreaking nights to get through. But I will get through them. I can do anything. I have proven my strength. I'm proud of myself. It is so difficult. The challenge is real and it is unbelievably hard. But it's beatable. And I will beat it. The darkness will not win. I can do this. I will do this. I will rise above and I will conquer.

Happy Birthday to me.