Power

One of the greatest things ever said to me came just a few months ago, in a therapy session. We were talking about the way peoples behaviors affected others, the way behaviors were affecting me and how much power they had over me. I was asked, "who are you giving your power to?" Never before had I heard a phrase that struck me like that one did. At that time I was giving all my power to others. I gave control of my feelings to others. Immense control and power. And it weighed me down to the point that I could hardly function. So who? Who had my power? MY power. It certainly wasn't me. I was not in control of my own life. I gave all my power to those who hurt me and let them wield that sword in deeper and deeper. For years I had given all my power to others. I had never accepted it as it was, my own. In truth I had never thought of personal power, of keeping it or giving it away. It wasn't until that session that I realized I had power! And I didn't have to give it away! I could be in control of my thoughts, my feelings, my actions. I can't stop outside influences from happening, but I could take back my power and make it my own. It was the most liberating moment of my life. No more did I have to give others power if I didn't want to. It became my choice. And that's the key.

Yes life is hard, bad things happen, undeserving things. But the power is yours and no one else's. Do things still hurt, yes. Some things are still raw. But I visualize my power and I keep in my hands and in my heart. I am in control. And it does make life a little easier. I can't control what people will do, what they'll say, but I can choose to maintain my power and not let others hold my power against me.

I wish I'd understood this concept of power years ago. It goes by other names, control is used a lot. It's easy to let others control all our thoughts and feelings and for us to feel out of control. But control is a hard word at times. Too often lives feel out of control and even trying our best we can't regain control, can't see it or feel it. Control lends itself more to others. But power, power is yours. Even when life is spiraling out of control, you have power! And you can keep power, hold it close to your heart. It's yours and yours alone.

I have power. I am powerful. And I am SO grateful for being asked who I give my power to. It's changed my life. I hope it can change yours, too.

One Year

As I'm sitting here lying in bed I realize it's been one year since I started my blog. I also realize I'm getting the itch to write again. I haven't been in a writing mood for awhile now, obviously. But I think I'm ready to start again.

I'm doing ok. One day at a time. My medication is working well, and I can feel a difference since I've started on vitamin D supplements too. I'm still not a huge fan of my new therapist here in Port Orchard, but I feel that I'm doing well enough that I don't need intense therapy right now, so I'm choosing to just leave it and continue seeing her. It isn't worth the hassle of switching. At least not right now.

I've been talking with vendors who work with the DVR and have met with one lady I really liked. I'll probably choose her as my job coach. She was so kind and excited to see me and help me integrate back into the work force. I'm having a lot of anxiety over working again, and she seemed to understand that and is willing to help me through it.

I went to a sleep medicine doctor this last week. I'm going to do a sleep study in a few weeks. He said it sounds like I have apnea. I can't wait to do the study and hopefully find answers and some solutions to my sleep problems. They're affecting my whole life, not just at night time. So I'm happy that's moving along.

Other than that things are moving right along. I'm grateful. And I'll just keep on keepin on.