Things You Can Do To Help A Loved One Who Is Suffering From Depression

Your loved one is hurting. You want to take it all away; you want to heal them so there is no more hurt. How I wish it were that easy. There are things you can do, however, helpful things that work. This post deals with what you can do, steps you can take, to help a loved one suffering from depression.

*Learn about depression. The internet is full of websites about depression: its causes, its symptoms, treatments, recovery, what you can do, and on and on. Educate yourself. Knowledge is power and understanding. I remember when my Grandpa Hinkson found out I had depression, about 14 years ago, the first thing he did was research and learn more about the illness. Then he told me about what he'd learned. It was the nicest thing he could have done at the time and I'll always appreciate his willingness and his efforts to learn.

*Remember that depression is a serious illness that can drain someone of all optimism, motivation, and energy. Practice patience.

*Depression can't be "snapped out of". Please don't even say that or suggest that. Force of will so often has little to do with depression recovery.

*It's so important, when you want to help your loved one who is suffering, to remember that the symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect with anyone on a deeply emotional level, even the people they love most. A vague answer or an empty glance away does not mean your loved one doesn't want, or need, your help. Keep going, your help is both wanted and needed.

*Encourage your loved one to talk about their feelings. Then listen without judgement. Being a kind, compassionate listener is far more important than giving advice.

*People suffering from depression tend to withdraw from others, so you'll have to know that a single conversation about their depression is not the end of it. You might have to talk about your concerns and share your willingness to listen many times. Be gentle, but be persistent.

*Starting a conversation can be the hardest part. Maybe you can start by saying something like: "I've been concerned about you." "You seem down lately." Or, "You've been acting differently, are you okay?" A kind, compassionate inquiry into how someone is feeling can go a long ways.

*If you don't know how to help, it's ok to say that. You can always ask what you can do. More often than not what the person with depression needs is just a listening ear, encouraging words, and hope for the future, rather than being overloaded with often unnecessary advice.

*You can't control someone's recovery from depression, but you can help with their treatment. Encourage your loved one to seek help. Remember that depression zaps both motivation and the feeling that things will ever improve, so treatment may be met with resistance.  Encourage anyway.

*Help your loved one seek help for depression by suggesting they see a  general practitioner first, not a psychiatrist. This may help rule out medical causes for depression. The GP can often give referrals to a psychiatrist or other places to go about receiving further treatment for depression.

*Offer to help your loved one find a doctor or therapist. If you can, go with them for their first, visit. I had a friend in Salt Lake City go with me the first time I saw a new therapist. He sat in the waiting room and did homework. And it was perfect. It was the kindest thing he could have done to help at that time. And along these lines, if your loved one is not functioning, go with them to treatment until normal function returns.

*Help your loved one make an all inclusive list of symptoms to take with them to the doctor.

*Know about their appointments and treatment plan and ensure they keep their appointments and stay on schedule with their plan.

*Help to create a low-stress environment. It can be very challenging while you are depressed to become organized and develop and maintain a routine. Ask if you can help with very specific tasks.

*Keep all expectations realistic. Even if things seem slow, keeping expectations realistic will help make them manageable and meetable, thus helping to bring about the feeling of success.

*Be patient. Even with proper treatment, recovery from depression doesn't happen overnight. Encourage your loved one to stick with their treatment, even if it isn't working right away. Treatment for depression takes time.

*Encourage your loved one. Sometimes just getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment. Say so.

*Learn about the signs of suicide and look for them in your loved one. They may include talking about suicide, being preoccupied with suicide, dying or violence, or increased risky behaviors. Understand that there is an increased risk of suicide among depressed people. Know that at some point, your loved one may or may not have suicidal thoughts.

*If you are concerned that suicide is a possibility, talk to your loved one. Then seek help. Call the suicide hotline: 1-800-273-8255, to talk with a trained counselor who can advise you on how best to help your suicidal loved one. Do NOT leave a suicidal person. Call 911 for any emergencies. I plan on doing a post dedicated solely to suicide in the future.

I hope this list helps in giving ideas about what you can do to help a loved one who is suffering from depression. Depression is no fun, and having someone who gives unconditional support and encouragement can literally save a life. Never doubt the good you do by just being there for someone in need. Your love and compassion can and will go farther than even you can imagine. You are doing a mighty work and someday someone will look back to their most difficult moments and think of you, and how you were there and how you helped in a desperate time of need. I can think of no greater joy than one day hearing, "you were there for me, and I am still here because of it."