One Day At A Time

I'm doing ok. I have a dear friend who has opened her home to me while I work some things out and I am doing ok. I have a family I have chosen and I am happy. And I am lucky.

But I'm still depressed. Even though my mood has stabilized, I remain depressed. It's so interesting to me. It's what I have learned about depression, I've talked about it before, too. What it means to be depressed. http://paintingandsunshine.blogspot.com/2015/02/to-be-depressed

I sleep a lot still. I don't wake rested. I take naps that last for hours. I want to eat all the time. I never feel full, and even when I do I still want to eat. I have a hard time walking, my body is in pain. My back aches. I get winded so easily. I really struggled on my walk this evening, I had to stop and rest quite a bit. But I still did it. I still walked. I am retaining fluid in my feet and legs (I have a doctors appointment set up to discuss this). My concentration is improved. I can read now more than I was able before, but it still has a long way to go before I'd consider it "better".

All these depressive symptoms are still happening; I am depressed. But my mood is so much better. I have felt good for several days in a row. I have my moments throughout the day when I feel my depression knocking on the door of my mood, but I'm able to open the door and give it a swift kick in the ass! And I'm grateful for that. The self harm and suicidal thoughts are very minimal. I'm still so unsure about future events, but I am able to focus on today and get through one day at a time. The hopeless and helpless feelings are under my control right now. I feel I have some worth and that life is worth living. It is so good to feel these feelings and aspirations again and I am very much going to enjoy them while they are here! I am going to build a positive thought army to head off the negative thoughts as they come, now and in the future.

So, that's me and that's today. One day at a time.