Healing

I had my ECT today. We're officially doing maintenance care now. I'm starting to go in every four weeks. The doctor said if I start declining before the four weeks is up, to let them know and we'll go back to every three weeks or so. I feel ready to go to once a month. I didn't decline or have any returning symptoms this last three week since my last ECT. I'm excited about this. ECT has changed my life. I had all but given up. I was sure this was the end. I felt like I had tried everything with no success. Then the doctor at St. Josephs suggested ECT. And that was the beginning of this huge change. I will be forever grateful.

I feel at peace. Things are not perfect. There are things I struggle with and things I'm not sure how to resolve, but I don't feel hopeless anymore. I am able to do more. I have more energy. Not a lot just yet, but I am able to do more than I have been for a really long time. I'm able to take better care of myself. I shower, I brush my teeth daily. I'm no longer letting myself rot because I feel like crap. There exists some self worth. This is life changing.

I am so grateful for my amazing friends who have supported me through all this. Without hesitation they've taken me to all my appointments, an hour and a half away. They've provided support and encouragement and have never given up on me. I am so blessed.

If you had told me three months ago that I'd be saying these things I would have laughed in your face. But here I am. Not just surviving, but living. And enjoying it too.