St. Joseph's

Breakfast would come around 7am. I usually mozied out around 7:30am. I went straight from bed to the dining room. The first few days I tried going back to sleep after breakfast, but I soon learned that was nearly impossible. The therapist that morning would come and get your "maps". Your mood, anxiety, pain, and safety. The nurse would bring morning meds. And sometimes the doctor would come in the morning too. Just lots of ins and outs in the first morning hours. Goals group was at 9:30am. I'd set a reasonable goal for the day. Sometimes it was take a shower, fill out my safety plan, go to groups, practice breathing, etc. It was a small group and usually about 30 minutes. At 11am was the first education group of the day. Topics from self compassion, communication, boundaries, to discharge planning and in between. Lunch would come around noon, with another education group at 1:15pm. The same kinds of topics were discussed. That ended at 2pm and there was free time until afternoon goals group at 4pm. Evening shift was on by this time so a new therapist led the group. They'd ask about our morning goal and discuss any issues there may be. Dinner came around 5pm and the last "wrap up" group of the day was at 8pm. We'd talk about our day and usually do a relaxation technique. Night meds were passed and then it was quiet time with lights out at 11pm.

I appreciated my time at St. Joseph's. I appreciated the care and compassion that was shown me. I never dealt with an unpleasant doctor, nurse, therapist, etc. I wouldn't say I learned any new information, but I relearned a lot of the skills and techniques they taught us. Just stuff I once knew but had pushed out of my mind or forgotten its importance. The recreational therapist who led most of the education groups was very no nonsense and to the point, which I thought was great. She definitely didn't appreciate people being late to group, which was almost comical to me. But she was kind and very knowledgeable. There was really nothing I didn't like. My only complaint, which I mentioned on my discharge survey, was being woken up at 5am for vitals when sleep is so hard to come by anyway. Oh well.

I felt some relief when I transferred out. I can tell the new meds and vitamins are starting to kick in and provide some relief from the intense and overwhelming pain I was in.

I am still unsure about the future. I struggle with it a lot. I am willing to try the full length of the ECT treatment. Of course that's another post all on its own. But I am trying. I'm trying to find value and hope in life. I'm trying. One hour at a time.