Things are still looking upwards. I get to move into my apartment on Friday! I am so very excited for that. I said goodbye to Colleen and Rosalie at the Bremerton office of KMH and have made appointments with my new therapist and psychiatrist in the Port Orchard Kitsap Mental Health office. I have an appointment in a couple days for my labs to be drawn with my primary care. Being on the Olanzapine they like to watch levels as it's not meant to be a long term medication.
I had my intake with the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation this last week. They have 60 days to decide if I qualify, but I don't see why I wouldn't. If I do get accepted I'll be given a job coach and they'll be able to help me find an appropriate job for my circumstances, for the depression. I'm hopeful that I'll be able to find a fitting job that I will be able to be successful with and start some healing there.
I don't quite know how to describe how good it feels to be on a good, working dose of medication, and to have circumstances start working in my favor. I feel honored, I feel grateful, and I feel excited. There's a new beat to life that I am learning to dance to. And it feels good. I still feel fragile, definitely not on solid ground just yet, but I am getting there. For the first time in years I feel like I can say things are going my way.
I'm cautious though. I know things are still shakey. I know how depression works and how it is to be so wary of good times. It scares me a little. I fear the relapse. But every day that I feel good is a day towards kicking this thing in the ass. I am still SO incredibly tired all the time. I think that may have more to do with the hypothyroid condition than with depression right now, but it still makes life difficult when I have no energy. Hopefully in time with the medication it'll ease itself out.
So right now I feel good, I feel hopeful for the first time in years. I am so magnificently grateful. I have learned to never take a day for granted. Each day is a new start, is a gift to behold. Each sunrise means the night is over and a fresh day is beginning. To even be alive is a miracle. The grandest miracle of all. And I am alive. I am healing.
So, so happy to read this and hear that you are doing well (by depression recovery standards). I hope the apartment transition goes smoothly and that you'll find a sweet jobby gig too. It really seems like you got all your ducks in a row! Way to go you. Take a bow, give yourself a pat on the back, and stay with it :)
ReplyDeletePS The hummingbird is lovely :)