How to Talk and Not Talk About Mental Illness

I could talk about this subject for days. And those of you who know me well know this is true. (At least the talking for days part. Hahaha.) So to help keep myself in check, I'm going to share and follow along with one of my favorite articles on the subject,  "How Should We Talk About Mental Health?" http://ideas.ted.com/how-should-we-talk-about-mental-health/ I strongly encourage you to read her article. It is excellent. She breaks the article into ten topics about, obviously, how we should talk about mental health. I'll go through each of her ten topics, and put in mostly my own commentary on each. The article deals with all mental illness, but I am just going to use depression as I speak.

"End the stigma"
Depression is NOT who you are. No way, no shape, no form. It is an illness. It is not a weakness. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It's as real as a broken bone. It's taken me a long time to be comfortable with this.  Or more comfortable anyway. It is still difficult for me to hear my therapist, Gemma, say "you have an illness", or "you've been so depressed". But there is nothing, nothing! wrong with mental illness or having a mental illness. It's also ok to talk about. It doesn't own you, even when it feels like it does. Underneath the depression that tries to protect you, you are still YOU. Smart, funny, creative, adventurous. You are not weak. Some of the strongest people I know are those who suffer from mental illness.

"Avoid correlation between criminality and mental illness"
Oh this gets me under my skin so bad and makes me so angry. When it seems every time there's a tragedy, such as a school shooting, a few days later it shows in the media the shooter had a "mental illness". And that is twisted into why people died. No. Absolutely not. Mental illness associated with criminality needs to vanish right now. Maybe a shooter had a mental illness and also took a gun to a school. Two separate things. He didn't have a mental illness SO he took a gun to a school. Most people with depression are not going to shoot up a school. And it is humiliating to me when people associate the two. When I was in the ER I had to have a security guard in the room with me at all times. "Standard procedure." Have to make sure we're all safe. Yeah, I'd be terrified of me too.

"But do correlate more between mental illness and suicide"
"Just as the association between mental illness and criminality is too strong, the connection between mental illness and suicide is too weak." She talks about how people don't kill themselves because their business went bankrupt or their spouse left them, how these things are triggering factors yes, but they died because they suffered from a mental illness. As someone who is suicidal, (it's an ongoing thing which I'll go in to with much more depth another day) I know how overlooked and underappreciated suicide and suicidal intentions are. I know how it is to have a mind that wants to die, and a body that doesn't. I know how people feel about suicide. People like to laugh it off,  to change the subject quickly, to say you're not serious. They like to say suicide is a sin... Why are you laughing at me? Why are you not taking seriously how much my heart is hurting? I am not a sin... People do not die from suicide, they die because they are sad. They die from loss of hope, the very thing depression robs you of. If you knew your oven only ever burned your food to a crisp, would you continue to cook in it? If you lose hope, the very reason to exist, then tell me, what is the point of going on? Suicidal people rarely want to die, they want to end the pain. And too often, with hope lost, death seems to be the only way out of the blackness. I don't want to kill myself when I feel good, only when the depression rolls it's mighty waves over my mind and my heart and makes me forget what it feels like to feel good. Please, please take all mention of suicide so very seriously. Do not tell the suicidal person they're wrong, or they need to not think that way. Just be there. Listen. Love.

"Avoid words like 'crazy' or 'psycho'"
Believe me, I think I'm going crazy often enough! Am I? No, goodness no. But depression does make you feel like you're losing you're mind. The last thing I think anyone needs, even healthy minded people, is to be told they're "crazy". Let's just all be kind and compassionate and considerate towards one another. Wouldn't that go a long ways.

"If you feel comfortable talking about your own experience with mental health, by all means, do so"
After 20 years of basically suffering in silence, I am finally ready to talk. And it is empowering. I have let my mind embrace to concept of earlier, that depression is not shameful. Quite on the contrary, depression binds people together. It has made me more compassionate, kind, strong, and empathetic. I hurt when you hurt. I feel what you feel. I was a CNA for someone who had multiple sclerosis one time who was taking to me about how these life long physical challenges were his "cross to bear". I agreed. He then asked me what my cross to bear was. I told him I suffered from severe depression. He looked at me and his eyes softened. We had connected. We were both human with permission to be so.

"Don’t define a person by his/her mental illnesses"
This point is close to my heart. When I was a young teenager, my mother told me that when I got older and started dating that we would need to sit down and talk with that person about my depression so they would know what they were getting themselves into. From then until now, that crucial and hurtful conversation has defined me as depression. But it is not true. Again, I am not depression. And no one needs a warning label from me before getting to know me. In fact, the more open I am about having depression, the more friends I find! Yes, like is stated in the article, it can be a blurry line between mental health and the "rest" of you, but the distinction is vital.

"Separate the person from the problem"
This goes along with the last point, how we should separate "the depressed" and "someone with depression". It's honor, it's respect. The illness doesn't have you, you have it.

"Sometimes the problem isn’t that we’re using the wrong words, but that we’re not talking at all"
Yes! I feel this is such a huge problem. And when nobody talks about mental illness, the sufferer can't talk about it either. The words simply don't exist. And this is not ok. People are afraid to talk about mental health, it is so often associated with what we've been talking about. Being "crazy" or "dangerous". Or people are simply uncomfortable, like they're afraid they'll catch depression if they talk about it. Well, it isn't uncomfortable. It's very real and NEEDS to be talked about! If anything is going to be done about educating ourselves and working through our human needs and emotions, talking is the only way to start.

"Recognize the amazing contributions of people with mental health difference"
For me, I truly feel my creativity and talents stem so strongly from years and years of dealing with depression. I stumble on spoken words, but I've learned to write, and I can make words dance on a paper. My paintings reflect sacred emotions. My creations show how to make beauty out of seemingly nothing.  And like I mentioned earlier, depression has made me kind, patient, and understanding. I think I may have developed these gifts if I had never suffered from depression, but there is a gentle softness that comes from years of struggle. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I wouldn't take away what having depression has given me for all the riches in the world.

Finally, "Humor helps"
It does. It doesn't cure or fix, but it helps. Finding humor in silly everyday situations is good for the soul. Being able to laugh, especially at yourself, is liberating.

So, I better end on a joke then.

Did you know all the baby trees in the forest were planted by the army? How do I know? Because they're INFANT TREES! (Sorry, it's my favorite dad joke.) :-)