Chemical Imbalances

I guess starting is always the hardest part. I think that's because where do you even start? People say to start at the beginning. Well, where exactly is the beginning? I was born on October 28, 1980 in Salt Lake City, Utah. Then... I grew up. And now I suffer from severe depression and want to share my story. So I guess that catches us up to date! That wasn't so bad.

I guess maybe a good place to start is just to say that I've struggled with depression since I was 14 years old. 20 years. More than half my life. I was recently diagnosed as having "Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent With No Psychotic Symptons". I've never had a "real" diagnosis before, it was always just "depression". I've been on and off antidepressants most of these 20 years. In later years I've become very anti medication, that's for another post on another day; but this last devastating go around I've learned that I do indeed have severe chemical imbalances in my brain to accompany the internal and external struggle of depression I'm prone to anyway. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've also learned that with recurrent depression, if it's not treated effectively, will become more and more severe with each time it reoccurs. Which perhaps is why I've been at an all time low these last several months as far as chemical imbalances are concerned. So I am willing and grateful there are good medications now for this awful head ache. I am currently on 40 mg of Paroxotine, or Paxil, and have recently been put on 5 mg of Abilify as well. It took some adjusting over the weeks, but this combination seems to be working. I also take a B12 supplement because my blood work showed quite the lack of B12, but I somehow wasn't anemic.

So that puts us up to date on where I am physiologically. Next time I post I'll write about Depression. What depression is to me. It already makes my heart hurt a little to think about putting it in writing. I think that's a good thing.