Better Days

I always say it's just as important to acknowledge your good days. This past week has been better. My mood has improved quite a bit, which is offering me such relief. I still can't quite get out of bed. I have zero energy or motivation to do anything. I haven't showered, my dishes are piling up, the other day I managed to take out two trash bags, a litter box, and three mtn dew cases. So that was nice. Cleaned things up just a bit. Depression is difficult. I'm still very depressed, but at least my mood is improving. I'm hoping that's the Zoloft kicking in. It's been three and a half weeks now. That's a good amount of time. At my appointment with Dr. Van Meter last week we opted to keep the dosage the same and just give it more time. Also I want to mention that about a week ago I started taking CBD gummies. The day I started taking those I started feeling better. I don't know if it's a coincidence along with the Zoloft, or if the CBD is truly making that much of a difference. I truly believe in its healing power, and I will continue to take it along with the Zoloft. I've been pleased. I can feel so much pressure off my emotions right now. I wouldn't say I feel good, but I feel relief. So, all in all it's been a better day.

Which is good. Because Kitsap Mental Health has stopped taking my insurance. It was absolutely devastating when Callie told me in our last therapy appointment. I felt like it was a really low blow and I could hardly speak. She obviously felt really bad at delivering the news. She said she would fight for me though to make sure I will be ok through this change. I was grateful for that. She referred me to Peninsula Community Health Services, where they have a psychiatrist and therapists on hand. I called them when I got home and made an appointment with a medical doctor, who then refers me to the psychiatrist and a therapist. I see her Monday, September 17th. I am anxious for this appointment. The timing of all this is horrible. I hate change as it is. And I'm going through a huge medication change right now and had been feeling so incredibly bad. I thought there was no way I was going to be able to survive such a change right now, but I've had amazing support through all this and I have amazed myself at my ability to overcome and adapt. It was the worst thing in the world when Callie told me, but after making the appointment with Peninsula I felt better. At least I have something. So, there'll be lots to write about in the next few months.

Anyway. Relief. That's mostly what I feel right now. And I'm grateful for that. Even if it's small, it's a start. I'm hoping it continues. I'm wary, but I'll take what I can get right now.