Axis II

I've met with my new therapist, Colleen, a couple times now. She's nice; I like her. She's not as blunt as Gemma. She's more your traditional therapist. My care plan was expiring the first time I saw her so we had to do that before anything. We finished it up the second time I saw her. It was uncomfortable. Mostly because I don't know Colleen well and we had to jump right into hard to talk about stuff, like self harm and suicidality. She asked me if I've ever been talked to about having an Axis II diagnosis. I haven't. I guess her team, in talking about me together, think I may have an undiagnosed personality disorder along with the depression that's never been treated, and that's why this time around is so difficult and I'm not making much progress. I don't know what to think. She named what they thought I could have and I felt a large pit in my stomach. It's a difficult one for me to hear. I'm not going to go into further detail until I meet with her again and we really talk about it. But I was supposed to research it this week and see if I think I fit the symptoms. For the most part I do. There are a couple major ones that aren't me, and I'll bring that up with her. So mostly I just kind of feel sick inside and I'm feeling pretty down about what could be. She's, and all of them, are probably right. She's mostly going off the again the self harming and the suicidality, as we've just met a couple of times. I'll write more about it after Tuesday, when I see her again.

So that's kind of where I'm at. Feeling a little less than human lately. Even though I know and I preach that I shouldn't, it doesn't change that that's how I feel right now. I know nothing will change who I am, but, it doesn't mean I have to like it.