Haunted

I've been feeling haunted lately. Not by anything supernatural or anything like that, but by people and places long past. Memories, laughter, regrets. Ghosts of the past. My friend Scott haunts me. Scott died several years ago from ALS. One thing he said to me as he lay dying was "you're the last good thing that happened to me." And still that gives me chills. Why doesn't that settle well in my heart? Joann haunts me. I lived next to her for a few brief months before she passed away. I did the 12 Days of Christmas for her only a month before she passed. It brought her such happiness. She smiled everytime I saw her. It was supposed to be anonymous, but she knew who was bringing her joy. What if that was the last good thing to happen to her? And why can't I accept that? Brenda haunts me. From my teenage years. This is a regret I will carry with me all my life. I wish so badly we could be friends. I can't shake it. I treated her poorly and I am so sorry. So many people, so many places, just don't sit right with me and it hurts and it haunts. Somebody told me once I need to accept that I can impact people's lives the way I do. That I am a good person. I try. I try SO hard to be a kind and loving person. But these people and places, things, memories, they just... haunt.