100th Post!

This is my 100th post! When I first started this blog I thought it'd be easy to write 100 posts. I wasn't right. Hahaha. But five years later, here we are!

My first post is dated Feb 20, 2015. Since then my blog has received 10,891 hits, averaging roughly 110 hits per post. My highest visited post has received 388 hits, and my lowest has received 16. So you can do some figuring and reasoning there, should you be interested. :-)

To celebrate 100 blog posts, I thought it'd be fun to do a 100 fun things about me list. Or a questionnaire getting to know you type thing. Maybe 100 way to practice self care. 100 unique things about me...? I searched for a good long while for just the right list I could use to inspire a blog post. I couldn't find one.

So, instead I'll ask, what's on your mind? Haha I used to date a guy who would ask me that. I always said "nothing". What a dumb question, I thought, always. Hahaha. ANYWAYS. Another time, another story. How can you sum up into one or two sentences and verbally speak allowed all that is on your mind?

But really, what's on your mind?

I think about the possibility of a future a lot now. It's a foreign and kind of uncomfortable way of thinking for me. For most of my life, I have felt that tomorrow is not a sure thing. Like they say, there's no guarantee. This taught me to live for literally one day at a time. Whether that's good or bad, I go back and forth. I don't know. But it is what it is. So to start to think of a future is a very strange idea to me. I could still be here in six months from now, and I AM OK with that idea. I'm still trying to comprehend and wrap my brain around the concept. Like learning a new language. But a future. What does it look like? That's too broad a subject, once again. In a future, what do I look like? I imagine I LOOK very much the same. That's fine I guess. Maybe I could wash my hair a little more often? Haha I don't know. But maybe a little deeper I do know. Maybe I'm hoping for a future in which I'm taking better care of myself. I must see that as a possibility, for it to be coming up. Interesting.

So, yeah. A future. I've also been thinking about goals. And I'm seeing how a future and goals are tying in to each other.

I have a very broad goal to write more. I've had that broad "goal" for many years though. But I think about it and it's too overwhelming. I get paralyzed when I get overwhelmed. I mean really, where do you even start? So I just did nothing. Someone recently asked me what a goal of mine was. I said to write more. That sparked a conversation with the rest of the people at our table about writing and what I liked to write. I said poetry is what I used to love writing. But goodness, I haven't written a poem in a good seven or eight years. For many, many reasons I stopped writing. Suddenly though, as we were talking around the table, it FINALLY dawned on me a way to achieve my huge goal to write more is to begin by writing one poem. To start breaking down the wall I'd built between me and my goal, one brick at a time. One poem at a time.

I haven't written a poem yet. But I have written more... And I think about my poem every single day. And in this I see a future.

One last thing I've been thinking of a lot is joy. What brings me joy. My brother gave me a Joy Jar for my birthday last year. He also gave me 366 small slips of paper on which I am to write one thing a day that brought me joy. I love my Joy Jar. It's made me focus each day, which has been very hard on some days, on joy. Just joy. Pure, innocent joy. I've been doing my Joy Jar for over four months now, and I can definitely see a difference in how I look back on my days. Looking to find a joy. I find it's fun to wonder at the beginning of a day what my joy will be. It gives me something to look forward to. Just a simple joy. In every day. They're there, I promise.

So that's what's been on my mind lately. (Among a billion other things, but hahaha you get the picture.) Future, goals, and joy.

And that's what happened when I went to write a 100th post celebration.