My last ECT was in April, it is now November. For the most part, I've done really well. I had a bad spell in July that was scary for me. It lasted two weeks, then subsided. I should have gone into the psychiatrist then, but as awesome as depression is, it felt hugely overwhelming and heartbreakingly hopeless. But, I don't want to write about that right now. Maybe another day. Maybe. Suffice it to say I made it through. And now, again, it's the middle of November.
I've had some tell tale signs of slippage for a little bit now. Not horrible, but warning signs that others are also noticing. Mainly fatigue, irritability, poor personal hygiene, constant sleep, poor apartment cleanliness, and losing interest in things I enjoy. So, at some urging from very dear to me peoples, I made an appointment with Dr. Allen, my ECT psychiatrist. I saw her three days ago in Seattle. I had a really good and thorough appointment with her. I really like her. The first thing she said to me is "are you using your cpap?" Uh hem, I have not used it in a couple years. She said so much of our mental health is connected to our sleep and we have to get my sleeping under control. I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea for over three years, but I just don't tolerate the mask at all. I can't sleep with it and when I do it just falls off so what's the point? Anyway. We talked about that for awhile and she referred me to the Swedish Sleep Clinic and made me promise to go in and see about getting a mask that will work for me and to then USE IT. I said fine. Hahaha. I do think a regular sleeping pattern would be beneficial... So there's that. Then she asked if I'd had a med change at all since starting ECT last September. I hadn't. Nor have I wanted too as historically I don't respond well to med changes. But she said it's the least we can do right now, so she upped my Zoloft to 200mg. Then we talked about ECT. She said she didn't want to zap my brain unless I was seriously depressed, which I am not right now. So we talked about other options. She told me about Ketamine. It's a new drug, administered in clinic twice a week for four weeks. It's a nasal spray they give you and then you chill for two hours while they make sure you're ok. You're not allowed to drive yourself home after treatment, as Ketamine impairs cognitive function and can leave you feeling high. She also told me about TMS, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. It's like ECT, but not invasive like ECT is. It's basically a magnet they put on your head to stimulate the brain. It's also done in clinic five days a week for six weeks. And this therapy you can drive yourself to and from. But wow, driving the hour and a half it would take to get there five days a week for six weeks is too much. I would never complete that, I know myself. Which is unfortunate. One other thing Dr. Allen told me about was Partial Hospitalization Programs (PHP). Basically they're like intensive group therapy from like 9am - 2pm. I can't remember how long the program goes. I want to say two weeks. But she referred me to her favorite, so I'll look more into that as well.
SO. When all is said and done I had to decide what treatment option to take. Dr. Allen stressed many times how important good sleep is to mental health, so what I'm going to do for now is try the 200mg of Zoloft, and go into the sleep clinic and talk to them. They should be calling in the next day or two and if they don't she gave me their number to call. So that's what I'm going to do. It's, like she said, the least we can do right now. But it also feels like the best we can do right now. I did respond really well to the increase of Zoloft and added Abilify during my hospitalization last year, that I am hopeful this increase will be just what I need.
So anyway! That's where I am today. Just plugging along, taking it day by day. Doing the best I can. And really, if I do say so myself, succeeding.
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